The moment Christopher LeMark learned of Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ death, he knew he wanted to do something to honor his life. Boss, the dancer who first enchanted the public on So you think you can dance in 2008 and later became a mainstay on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, had committed suicide at the age of 40.
“In that moment, I was instantly sad for him because I know what it’s like to feel like you have no other choice and you’re in really, really pain,” said LeMark, three-time suicide attempt survivor and Founder of Coffee, hip-hop and mental health. “But I always had something to hold on to and I just felt sad for him that I didn’t have something to hold on to.”
A 2021 study in The Journal of the American Medical Association noted that suicide attempts among young black men increased by nearly 80% compared to other races and ethnicities, a statistic that was both disappointing and unsurprising to LeMark.
“There’s so much pressure because we live in a society where you’re only as good as what you have or what you do and when you don’t have and you don’t do, you don’t have a certain level of social or financial capital. You are considered insignificant and it is hard,” he says. “As men, we really feel like we’re worthless if you don’t have or you don’t. It’s societal pressure, family pressure or maybe your own pressure.
In response to news about tWitch, LeMark decided to host a conversation for the community at his cafe in Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood.
“One of our values is to offer real-time help and try to meet people where they are,” he says. And we had a full house. It was a nice feeling. People were talking about their own stuff and that was what it was all about: trying to grace tWitch with conversation and giving people the opportunity to express their confusion, frustration and own fears in real time.
Being a “strong black man”
For John Pendelton, founder and creative director of design studio Planks & Pistils in Chicago, the death of tWitch struck close to home.
“It was like fuck it, not yet,” says Pendelton, a native of Alabama, tWitch’s home state. “It’s so hard, especially when it’s someone who seems so happy, joyful and creative…I know the difficulties of just having creativity as a livelihood and it’s so hard to deal with the hard stuff .”
While mental health and therapy are largely taboo topics in the black community, they’re even rarer among black men, which is why Pendelton opens up about his experiences both on social media and in real life.
“You see a lot on social media, I’m done being a strong black woman and embracing softness and luxury and I think that’s really awesome,” Pendleton said. But with men, I feel like there isn’t even an equivalent. There is no “strong black man” stereotype because that is the default… If I want to be a man, period, I have to be strong. If I want to be a black man, then I have to be really, really strong.
“A lot of men understand that I have to be strong and that therapy is an admission that you have weaknesses,” he continues. “Therapy is a place to be gentle and that’s kind of a strength.”
Remove the stigma
Keanu Jackson, a Brooklyn-based therapist, regularly hosts virtual support groups for black men in an effort to normalize mental health.
“The mental health stigma is huge, but in the black community in particular, we have a lot of work to do,” he says. “In a lot of cases, what ends up happening is people like to blame it on people who are going through emotional stressors or some kind of hurt.”
“Whenever the subject of suicide comes up, people don’t hesitate to launch a hotline, but we also have to talk about preventive measures,” Jackson continues. “Let’s talk about what happens before a person is pushed to the point where they feel like it’s their only option.”
Instead, they suggest looking at the larger structural issues, such as a failing healthcare system and racial inequalities that have created a increased demand for black therapistswho are already disproportionately underrepresented in their field and facing their own prejudice and racism.
“For a lot of black men, there’s this unspoken expectation for us to push back our emotions and be almost emotionless as a representative of strength,” Jackson explains. “To be strong is to be still and it’s our responsibility to try to adjust that message and understand that it takes time for people to unlearn that on their own.”
Going forward, he recommends keeping space for grace and patience with one another, as well as accountability for mental health in the black community.
Through that responsibility and grace, there can be that sweet spot that shows black men that you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to have all the answers and work all the way. time. You can take time to do nothing. It’s about meeting people where they are.
Our new weekly newsletter Impact Report examines how ESG news and trends are shaping the roles and responsibilities of today’s leaders. Subscribe here.
0 Comments